Brown Sugar (2002)
“I reminisced out the sentimental songs I enjoyed when I was a teenager…. I realized they were written in a language I did not yet speak.” Frank Ocean -Tumblr Letter (2012)
There is no better way to capture the emotions and feelings of someone you care for with music. Always, I’ve struggled to know the right words to say, especially when it came to relationships, so I use songs to tell and share the story. You could say sharing and discovering music is a love language of mine for lack of a better term. The fear of not knowing what to say but expressing the feeling through a song and lyrics resonates to make my thoughts expand upon the present moment or conversation. For me, as always been seen as more of an introvert, but putting in expression through music, has allowed me to express feelings by taking the words and themes from others and making them into my own for someone I care deeply for.
Love can always feel that is here for only the present moment, but it seems I have taken it for granted thinking I will always share it with someone until it stops. The fear of losing someone makes you analyze your mistakes your habits and shortcomings almost to a fault. The loss is needed to learn how to move forward. However, the joy and hope of being close to someone matched with the fear of potentially losing someone is always a push and pull where you always fear that expressing certain things about yourself such as songs will only become a distant memory of sharing great moments with someone.
Love Jones (1997)
Songs about love and heartbreak that I enjoyed as a kid and a teenager have taken on new meaning and definition in understanding being through relationships and learning from the ups and downs of these experiences on what takes to be a better boyfriend/partner, friend, cousin, son, and brother.
Over the past 4 years and throughout the pandemic, music has guided me on how to love while walking wounded with a heavy heart. There were moments within the pandemic when I felt distant from friends and family but also navigated relationships with friends, family, and partners over the last few years where I grew immensely but also struggled to express love and care.
There were times In my relationships with partners and friends when I fell very short and not done my best to support others. Whether I was too work-focused, aloof, expressing laughter, or failed to show up there were moments when music couldn’t heal wounds or arguments, and had to learn very painful and heartbreaking lessons to be a better man. I grieved for what could have been different during these moments, that things of could have ended differently to grow with someone instead of having what-ifs and self-doubt. These lyrics from R&B Singer Xavier Omar’s Song Afraid have resonated with me in the last few weeks in processing this fear…
“God has not given us the spirit of fear But the spirit of love looking like it’s not here don’t doubt your heart, I just know things change It just leads to pain, I still bleed the same.” Xavier Omar-“Afraid” (2017)
Music has shown me the process of grieving and heartbreak as well as being a better partner in finding the words for all these experiences and events over the past few years. It takes time to get over the people you are close with that are not there anymore, and I’m so grateful for the people I met in the different stages, but the sorrow and grieving for a partner is not a one-time event, but an everyday process one grows in where you analyze and rebuild who you and you learn to understand you are loved deeply, by God and by friends and family.
Nick and Norah Intimiate Playlist (2008)
Throughout these experiences, a question that resonates with me is that while I have been told I’m really loving but my behaviors, actions, and mistakes make me wonder, how can others love me back. It also got me thinking that before I can be loved back, I have to need to find that love within myself. The act of self-love is so radical that it feels like it can be a leap of faith to accept your flaws and shortcomings before accepting yourself as a whole person. One song that reflects this feeling I have is called Know That You Are Loved by British R&B singer Cleo Sol. The song acts as a meditation and a hymn to know other people love you when your shortcomings feel too much.
“Know That You Are Loved…Even If You Don’t Love Yourself.” Cleo Sol-“Know That You Are Loved” (2021)
In the last few years, I’ve learned that self-love is sharing interests with others to build community. Whether that be through talking about sports, sharing love songs, or talking about a great history book I read. Sharing music means so much to me because the history and themes people put behind it from all walks of life is a story that needs to be told to others. Basically, using life (or imagined) experience to share with others who may be going through the same things or desiring more.
Sometimes with others, I still struggle to find the words to say. I get really stuck in my head that I wonder if moving past the awkwardness to say anything is really worth it in starting conversations. However, music is always a way to break the ice and start the conversation to lead to something deeper. As we take time around Valentine’s Day to appreciate and enjoy our relationships with partners, friends, and family or learn to self-love, let your song lead the way.
The Typecaster 